Wednesday, September 5, 2012

A letter to you...

I've been thinking about you a lot today. As I was driving home, I heard "If I Die Young" and it was right before I got home from work where Rae was watching my kids. I wanted to cry and hug her and tell her I was thinking of you. But, I can see that she has so much going on with school and working and helping take care of Ed and Anthony. 

I know we didn't talk all the time, but I felt we were so connected because of our families. There are so many days when I wonder how your family is doing, Ed, the kids, your mom and dad and Danny. And of course, Michelle. I'm trying to be there for her and help her heal, but I know that she sometimes feels lost too. If I miss you, I can't imagine the pain that they are all going through and dealing with every day. Sometimes I wonder what Rae is thinking when she sees my kids hug me or talk to me...does she think "I want to hug my mom" or "I want to talk to my mom too." They are so strong.

I still see your name in my phone...I want to just send a quick instant message to ask when we're all going to make time to hang out and go dancing. I even think of the last time I saw you at the Sierra Lamar fundraiser at Clos La Chance--you were so happy to see the kids and see them excited about Rae being there too. And, you said you were so happy that I took Michelle and got out of the house after having the baby because you could see the difference in her simply because she had a moment to breathe. I never told her that story, but I've wanted to for a while.

So tonight I'll cry for you and and write you a letter here...the only place I can think of to just get my feelings out. You are so very missed and we think of you all the time.